MY ROOTS

    SEEDS

 

     Psalms 126:5-6

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious

seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

bringing his sheaves with him.

 

 

FROM THE COTTON FIELDS OF ARKANSAS seeds were sown into my life, and I am sure that is not where my story began but it is the one that was passed down to me by my grandma Bertie. Back in the 1920s a huge epidemic of Tuberculosis spread throughout country and it became personal to my life when my great grandma Covington became ill while working in the cotton fields.   Her family was poor and the only means of income was the grueling task of picking cotton.  The whole family was included in the task, even my grandmother who at the time was around eleven or twelve.  I cannot imagine such hardship in life, but more so to see your mom become ill and die while you are still a child. 

 

 Bertie was tested; along with her little sister and both were found to have the same illness. They were put into a sanitarium and given treatment for the disease but it did not go well for my grandma because the disease had spread so much into her lungs.  While she was in this place God put a hunger for knowledge in her and she read every book that was in the library, even the encyclopedias. I see now how that thirst for truth benefited her in later years and in turn benefited me.    As she grew sicker she was confined to bed-rest, and one night when she took a turn for the worst, she could over hear the doctors at her bedside saying she would not make it to the morning.    They thought she was unconscious but God made sure she heard every word.     

 

That night a young girl plead for her life, she prayed to God that if he let her live, she would live her life for him in the fullest.   She gave her heart, and God gave her life.   By the next morning she was out of bed and making a full recovery.  The doctors said it was a miracle and they had never seen anything like it.     So with only part of one lung my grandma set out to KNOW GOD.     

 

I will now skip to a woman in her 40s who had dedicated her life to be a very godly woman; she attended all the church meetings and was devout in the Pentecost church.    The only problem was that this was a time in church history called the HOLINESS MOVEMENT where you was only allowed to wear dressed down below the knee, long sleeves, no makeup.  To put it mildly it became about making the outside the cup clean and not the inside.    God convicted my grandmother over this doctrine and revealed to her all the places the church was missing the Lord.  It was not enough that he showed her these issues, he asked her to stand before the church and tell them her experiences and the places they was missing the Lord over false doctrines.  

 

This was unheard of in that period of time, a woman standing up to men in a church, telling them, “Thus saith the Lord, you have missed the mark”.     Because of this, my grandmother began to fast and pray, she needed to be empowered and to know exactly what God wanted her to say.  The church was her life, she had a feeling she would be ostracized if God were serious about this.   She fasted for 60 days and I am not sure what she was allowed to have during that time but I saw the before and after photos and it appeared to be a woman about 180 going down to about 100.  Skin and bones, a hollowed out face...and at her weakest moment she became a WARRIOR.   She in fact was empowered and God had given her hundreds of confirming experiences that what he had asked her to do, was indeed of him and not some random voices in her head.  

 

She stood before at least a hundred people in a packed church and she stood up and told them the message, a message about freedom and a message about how God was interested in the inside of the cup, making it clean not so much as the outside.   You see the church had been free but it voted to organize and vote in a board of men to run the church.  This of its self was not so bad, but what happened in this church was that the board of men began controlling the church and the Holy Spirit began to take a back row seat.  That spirit of freedom where God was in charge was dying and the inherit message of freedom in Christ was being lost.  False doctrine is a poison, and it affects every aspect of the body of Christ.

 

What happened next broke her heart, she was indeed kicked out of the church and the message from God was not accepted.    You might think this would cripple a woman back then, but fact was, it made her stronger.   Since she missed church so much, she began her own home church and opened her doors to friends and family who wanted to be lead by the spirit of God and not of man. 

 

I remember as a very small child being a part of this church, I was proud of the name she felt to use for it, THE PEOPLE FOR HIS NAME.  I was a member of this church, fully devoted even at age 6.  My grandma made us kids a part of every aspect, right along with the adults we all worshiped God with songs she wrote, my uncles wrote, my mom wrote, people in the church...it was amazing to me to have song books of all hand written words and melodies, homespun you might say.   I even had my own little chair with my name on the back, oh I was quit proud to get my chair out and worship God right along side of the adults.    My fond memories where Grandma in her soft rocking chair, with her hear back, eyes closed as she sang to her King, I knew even then this was pure vertical worship.   SEEDS, my how she and everyone there were planting seeds in my young life.  From the cotton fields to the harvest field my spiritual roots grew.

 

Our church would meet twice a week last at least 3 hours, with a snack time at the end.  Praise and worship, intense bible study, a time for testimonies, dreams to be talked about.  What I loved most looking back was the fact she even made us children responsible for our own connection with God.  When it was time for testimonies she would ask each of us, if we had any experiences that week. 

 

Back then I was afraid to disappoint her and not have anything to bring and God used that feeling to help me seek a deep connection to Jesus even as a child.  I learned to pray on my own, think about my dreams, and keep my heart and mind open for Gods still small voice.  As I grew I learned more and more about the spirit of interpretation when it came to dreams and even to this day dreams are a vital part of how God speaks to me.   I to learned grandma loved a piece of rhubarb pie after church. :)

 

Though I was raised in this place, had experiences, knew the voice of God I still had to come face to face with the cross.   I was about 12 years old and one night in church my grandma looked very serious, she said she had an experience someone was not saved yet.   Then she looked right at me...I was perplexed I thought for sure I was going to heaven. I had done everything right, and when I had made mistakes I asked for forgiveness.  But as she continued to talk heaviness came upon me.... I had never felt this way before.  

 

 I suddenly felt the weight of the cross.  Here I was 12 years old not a lot of sin to deal with, and yet I felt that weight so strong.   She told me the Lord had spoken to her that I needed to be born again.     I began to cry...with everyone around me, my mom and dad, my brother, aunt’s uncles... I began to cry.  She asked me if I wanted to get saved and I said yes.... YES.  

 

Everyone stood and grandma began to lead me in the prayer, I said all the right things, repeated after her and all I could do was weep, weep with all my heart.... I could not stop crying.  Then grandma said to my dad to take my hands and raise them in the air.  At that moment, all my sin was lifted off me, released and I began to feel such a joy, I even laughed and smiled and we all rejoiced.   I was born again while attending THE PEOPLE FOR HIS NAME, age 12 March 11, 1971.

 

After I was saved, I was asked if I wanted to have more, more being the Holy Spirit kind of more when one is filled with the spirit.  I did pray for this and I did feel very empowered.  At the time I thought you had to have spoken in tongues to have received but much later in life I learned this was not the case.    It was not until I was in my thirties that I actually spoke in tongues and recently understood I had in fact been baptized in the Holy Spirit the same night I got saved.  The evidence was a complete character change, so much deeper then even before.

 

Skipping ahead to when I was fifteen now.

 

My grandma had asked the Lord to take her to heaven, as soon as her work on earth was done; she longed to be with her Lord and Savior.  One morning when I was 15, almost 16 my mom woke me up, she said grandma was not feeling good and to pray for her.  My dad had gone over there and my mom’s brothers were there as well.   I felt a deep sense of fear and fell on my knees begging God not to let her die.  She was only 58 and I could not imagine life without her.    From what my dad and uncles told us, she was feeling sick to her stomach, an uneasy feeling like heartburn.  Something was stirring in her spirit and she felt the need to have the men there around her. 

They counseled about it all for about an hour, prayed for her and just stayed there around her. At one point she got up and went to the bath room, when she came out she was beaming.... she said God had just told her that she had finished her work on earth, that she had taught her family all she knew about the Lord and her work was done.  She was so happy, and no one quit got the picture yet, what was happening.   At that moment they seemed to have peace and she laid on the sofa, closed her eyes and they thought she just went to sleep.  But soon they realized she was not breathing.     They called 911 in a panic and though they worked on reviving her, she was not about to leave heaven and come back to earth.  Grandma was home and there was no place like it.

 

At that time we were all grieved beyond measure, my mom was devastated as was each of her sons.  All I cared about was serving God now, like she had done and I rededicated my life to Him that day.  I gave it all...again.   I suddenly did not care about the natural things a teenager would care about.  Being popular, buying clothes and shoes and boys......  I just felt a consuming desire to know God and to separate from the world.  

The family could not get over her passing, my uncle got very sick as did my mom.... my dad got kidney stones and suddenly my roll had changed.   I did not even want to go back to high school, it seemed like it was going to just distract me from God.  I prayed very hard about what it was God wanted me to do...and he was clear. He wanted me to give up my life for him.... to take care of his people and to learn of him. 

God did not even allow me to go back to school one day, no goodbyes to my friends, just hello to him.   It was February and I had not missed one day of school that sophomore year, yes before that I had loved school. I loved the new found attention from boys, the classes in photography and art. I LOVED MY FRIENDS....  but now I loved my family and my God more.  Yes it would have taken me away from what God was trying to teach me so with tears I surrendered my teenage life now at age 16. 

 

My family moved in with my uncles because it was the only way we could get through this was TOGETHER.   I began to help in every aspect of the household, helping with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping.  We spend many hours through the week in counsel and prayer, bible study and trying to understand why she was taken from us so young.  But then for a woman to live 58 years with only part of one lung, actually was a miracle and we had to thank God for that. 

 

 I took care of my dad though his surgery, making sure he had his favorite homemade peanut butter cookies on hand.  :)  I was lucky enough to get my grandmas bedroom, all her things surrounded me and I LOVED the feeling of being so close to her.  I too got to go through her desk and read all her teachings and messages God had given her.   I recall so many nights my dad and uncles would be in the living room studying, talking about God til 2 in the morning.  I would go in her room, close the door, turn off the light and lay on my floor with my ear next to the door, just listening and so often tears falling down my face.  I would get sleepy and go to bed with their voices so near.   During them years I feel I was closet to God then ever.  I would not give them up for anything else.  I began to write a lot, poems, and some songs.... and documenting things I was learning.   I hoped some day I could plant seeds of my own and inspire others to truly KNOW GOD.

 

There were many people over the years that planted seeds into my life; my mother and father was key in continuing the coarse my grandma and uncles had laid out for us.   I look back though old personal documents and find songs my mother, grandma and uncles had written, and though my dad had only written one, the memory of him standing up singing it, nearly shaking to death is still priceless to this day.  He suffered many years with bound feelings and insecurity. Once he stood in church almost the whole service shaking, but fighting the devil for the Lords ground in his life over his shyness issues.    After that he never had the same fear, I was able to see him witness to people the rest of his life and at his funeral so many people came and spoke about how they helped them come to salvation.     My dad died at age 58 just like my grandma...needless to say each day is precious and we need to take what ever it is we have in our hands, by way of our callings and gifts in the Lord and spread them seeds, they will count for eternity and build upon the very foundation that Christ himself laid.  

 

My mother fought physical illness most of her adult life and even though she was weak and suffered a lot, she was able to help thousands of people who suffered from her illness of Chronic Fatigue syndrome by starting the first national organization for awareness.  It began in Kansas City with a handful of people and when she resigned due to illness there was over 16,000 on her mailing list nation wide.  She was able to put together a newsletter filled with information to help people along with a Prayer chain newsletter to encourage the suffering.  I used to help her with this and it made me proud to know all the people her life and efforts had reached.     She loved the Lord, like her mother before her... and I am blessed to have come from a line of seed sharing people.